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(riffing on a link posted quite innocently by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) meep someplace) So Earth is traveling through space, minding its own business, until in 1908 this comet flies by and just starts ripping into it. We're talking major natural disaster here: a gigantic explosion, hundreds of square miles of trees leveled, scorched earth everywhere. Earth is left devastated and shaken, particularly due to the unexpected and arbitrary nature of the attack. Earth didn't do anything to provoke this! For a comet to come in out of nowhere and blast away at the Earth like that--that's humiliating, uncalled-for, just plain wrong. For the next hundred years, the scientists of Earth go into detective mode, trying to piece together exactly what happened. How could Earth get knocked down so badly? Was it the direction it was traveling? Was it the rotation, the orbital eccentricity? Could humanity have done something to deserve this shame that had been visited upon the Earth? Ultimately the scientists agree on a comprehensive theory that answers these questions (basically, "It was all the comet's fault"). The world then moves on to the next phase of its response: Preparing Earth to defend itself the next time around. Research, development, and activism take place on many fronts: - Long-range ballistic missiles, designed to stop an approaching comet in its tracks.
- Smaller warheads, designed to throw an incoming comet off course and redirect its attack at some other unsuspecting planet.
(In fact, a joint statement endorsing these military programs is issued by all major governments; the Nobel Prize committee; Greenpeace; a blue-ribbon panel of ethicists; a conference attended by leaders of the world's fifteen most popular religions; and a coalition of actors, pro athletes, musical artists, and commentators.) - Underground shelters and other recovery measures, inspired by the harsh possibility that maybe comet attacks are inevitable. (These prove to be unpopular.)
- Training people to reject the notion of helplessness in the face of comet attacks, to stand as one and fight back against a looming global threat.
- Rapid-response early warning systems, so people can band together and do what needs doing upon news of imminent comet approach.
- Moment-to-moment situational management training, so those involved in repelling a comet attack will keep their nerve and follow through when the time comes.
In 2045, the same comet comes back, only this time the Earth and its people are ready. As news spreads via the early response network, billions of humans gather quickly at preselected meeting sites. With watches synchronized, technicians at each site turn on sophisticated recording equipment at the agreed-upon hour. The equipment is linked to a central station that will consolidate radio wave data from multiple sources, convert that data into a single signal, amplify that signal, and then send out that signal into the path of the incoming comet. Finally, on cue, the people of Earth speak, sending a single message of unity and defiance into the cosmos; and they say, "Fuck you, comet, fuck you." Tags: science, silly
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GUY AT SHOW: Hey bra'! How we doin', man? Cut to BATMAN in costume. He stands rigidly at attention, staring back at GUY AT SHOW. There is a long pause. BATMAN (in his raspy voice): I'm fine.
GUY AT SHOW: It's been a while man, life's so rad! [Pause] This band's my favorite man, don't ya love 'em? BATMAN flinches slightly, as if shaken by some bad news. He says nothing.
GUY AT SHOW: Aw man, you want a beer? BATMAN hesitates, evidently struggling with a great dilemma. Finally and with great reluctance, he nods his head Yes. GUY AT SHOW: Aw man, this is the best. I'm so glad we're all back together and stuff. This is great, man. BATMAN leans against a wall. For a moment he looks overwhelmed, defeated, crushed. Then he stands up straight once again. An unshakable inner resolve has reasserted itself. GUY AT SHOW: Hey, did you know about the party after the show? Aw man, it's gonna be the best. I'm so stoked. Take it easy bra'! Cut to an adjacent rooftop. BATMAN jumps out through a window onto the roof, then climbs into a waiting helicopter. The helicopter takes off and flies away into the night. Tags: fanfic, silly, undone (the sweater song)
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PICARD, LaFORGE, and COUNSELOR TROI are gathered on the bridge of the Starship Enterprise. LaFORGE: Do you think the away team will be safe down there, Captain? Worf didn't look too comfortable in that disguise. PICARD: Let's find out, Geordi. Onscreen! The viewscreen lights up, revealing a crowded nightclub scene. WORF is there, dressed in jeans and a bowling shirt. GUY AT SHOW enters from left and approaches WORF. GUY AT SHOW: Hey bra'! How we doin', man? WORF ( choosing his words carefully): I am well. GUY AT SHOW: It's been a while man, life's so rad! [ Pause] This band's my favorite man, don't ya love 'em? WORF: Yes. GUY AT SHOW: Aw man, you want a beer? WORF: Yes. GUY AT SHOW: Aw man, this is the best. I'm so glad we're all back together and stuff. This is great, man. WORF: [ Pause] ... Yes. Zoom in to closeup shot of GUY AT SHOW, seen from over WORF's shoulder. GUY AT SHOW: Hey, did you know about the party after the show? Aw man, it's gonna be the best. I'm so stoked. Take it easy bra'!
Cut back to bridge of the Enterprise.
COUNSELOR TROI: He's hiding something. Tags: fanfic, silly, undone (the sweater song)
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In an upcoming interview with Katie Couric to be aired this week, Sarah Palin is unable to name any Supreme Court Case other than Roe v. Wade.
The Rules: Post info about ONE completely fictitious Supreme Court decision, modern or historic, to your lj. The more spontaneous, the better.In Pecan Tree vs. 12, Chief Justice Earl Warren ruled on a lawsuit in which a pecan tree from Oklahoma was suing the number 12 for copyright infringement. An appellate judge had awarded 3 billion adverbs to the tree in punitive damages. But lawyers for the number 12 appealed, indicating that it was 1957 and the notion of limerence had not been invented yet, much less by the pecan tree, so how could they be suing 12 for using it. The tree's lawyers argued that limerence existed--in fact, the pecan tree felt it for Warren. The defense claimed that no one would recognize the concept without having a word for it. Felix Frankfurter wrote a powerful dissenting opinion invoking the Sapir-Worf hypothesis, but Warren, clearly touched by the pecan tree's affections, ruled in favor of the tree and even added a thousand prepositions to the award. Tags: memes, silly
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She won in Texas and Ohio last night, but she still trails in delegates, and young voters still favor Obama. So now I'm picturing her soliciting the support of indie bands, the way Arcade Fire and the Black Eyed Peas guy have promoted Obama. What if, on the eve of the May 6 North Carolina primary, she gets some Chapel Hill types -- a Ben Folds, say, or a Superchunk -- to play on her behalf? And then there's the Oregon primary on May 20. If she can get Portland resident Stephen Malkmus to reunite Pavement for the occasion, then that would send a powerful message. If she can also get Sleater-Kinney on the bill, then forget it; you might as well cancel that primary and assign all 52 delegates to Clinton. The only problem will be to convince voters that some of these artists' endorsements aren't ironic. April 24. Edited to add: Superchunk endorses Obama. Tags: politics, silly
Current Mood: onioney
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Harry and You-Know-Who encounter each other surprisingly early in the novel. Enchanted by a spell from Luna Lovegood, they involuntarily choose to settle their differences with a dance competition. Voldemort wins the Watusi, while Harry (with Cho) beats out Voldemort (with Bellatrix) in Lambada -- the Forbidden Dance. They do the Hustle for a tiebreaker, and they match each other move for move. After seven hours of Hustle, the cynical English third judge gets fed up and casts the Cruciatus on them both, killing them. ( it goes on )You'll have to read the rest on your own. I won't spoil everything for you. I will reveal, however, that the stage is set for Ron and Hermione to star in a series of spinoff novels, with an all-new motley crew of sidekicks. Tags: books, sff, silly
Current Mood:  extremely silly
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SALISBURY, UK -- The county of Wiltshire is in flames tonight, due to a riot that started when area druids learned about the omission of nearby Stonehenge from the New Seven Wonders of the World list. The New Seven Wonders is the culmination of a six-year project led by Swiss filmmaker/curator Bernard Weber, who established a worldwide poll by telephone and Internet to name civilization's seven most amazing sites. It is an update of the Seven Wonders of the [Ancient] World, which is said to date back to 140 BC. While details are sketchy, it is believed that the Wiltshire riot started at the Llama and Firkin pub in Salisbury. There, overconfident druids had allegedly set up a betting pool on which position (one through seven) would be occupied by Stonehenge among the New Seven Wonders. As the seventh New Wonder was announced and it became clear that Stonehenge was left off the list entirely, excitement turned to rage among the inebriated Pagan priests. The Llama and Firkin was in flames within 20 minutes, and chaos spread through the rest of the town. "It's a disaster," said Terry Scott, proprietor of an auto-repair shop in Salisbury that was destroyed in the row. "Druids should know better. I mean, I hit the roof myself when I heard the news, but I didn't smash any windows now, did I?" Rowan Whitethorne, Druidic high priest of Wiltshire, echoed Scott's sentiments. "I was terribly disappointed with the voting results. Can Machu Picchu predict the calendar? Can you do astronomy with the Colosseum?" Whitethorne asked, referring to two sites that did win New Seven Wonders honors. "Druids always get the short end of the stick. Nonetheless, I am ashamed that my brethren lost their temper so. I fear that this will lead to retributions and further stigmatizaton of my people. "It will be a grim Lughnasadh this year," Whitethorne added. Rioting also was reported in Paris and Orlando over perceived snubs of the Eiffel Tower and Disney World, respectively. Tags: silly
Current Mood: Oniony
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Timberwolves trade Garnett for cap room*Excerpts: Garnett, 31, has averaged 20.5 points, 11.4 rebounds and 4.5 assists over his 12-year NBA career. Cap room, 24, has averaged 13.5 points and 6.2 rebounds in three NBA seasons.
"It's sad to see KG go, of course," Timberwolves general manager Kevin McHale said. "But we're excited to see what cap room can do for us. His numbers may not show it yet, but if you've ever seen cap room sky for a rebound, you know what I'm talking about." ...
Cap room was unavailable for comment, but his private chef said he was enthusiastic about the trade. "Cap's going to take over [the Twin Cities]," the chef said. "Just wait and see; the fans at Target Center will be shouting CAP ROOM, CAP ROOM before you know it." * (No, not really.) Tags: silly, sports
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``Precious,'' One Ring: Gollum craves it Like Andy craves alcohol. O these undersized males' addictions! Endless grief for Frodo; likewise for Florrie Capp, Andy's ``Pet.'' Tags: cftu pg, comics, fanfic, sff, silly
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thoughtful
insomniac
confused
impressed
